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The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an American, a Kiwi and a Australian Woman, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.The American woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.The Kiwi woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.The Australian woman came to him and said, “Have you ever been fucked?”The man broke into a big smile and said, “No.”She said, “You will be when. I got a little more courageous with every passing day. My stares got a little bolder and lingered on her curves a little longer. I think she enjoyed it too, as she bent down in front of me a little too often, keep her hands on my shoulder every now and then and stands really close to me. Her smell was so intoxicating when she stood close to me, that I would get an erection right there. That’s when the idea struck me.The next day when I went to teach, I wore loose pajamas and did not have any inners on. Like every day, she gave me a few good looks at her sideboobs and her cleavage swayed her ass in front of me before standing close to me with her waist touching my shoulder. I started getting an erection and this time it was visible, quite clearly. After a while, I turned back to check and I could see in my pants. It was not a huge dick but I could see her drooling over it, and I knew I had a chance.And the chance came, finally. One Wednesday she told me that the kid has a birthday.
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