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"My mind was whirling, my eyes twitching back and forth as I tried to comprehend. This was impossible. I couldn't lose her. But the signs were always there. The warnings that I needed to have my own life outside of her. How she redirected the conversation every time I asked about our future. She had known all along that ours was to be a short-lived affair."I chose to wait until today to tell you. To let you be happy during the time we had. Also, it would be unfair to surprise you on the very last day. So this was the compromise between letting you enjoy each day and still give time for you to adjust." But, what about us? How can you leave?"Saya reached her hand out to my face, wiping away the tears, smiling bravely. "I would be nice if I could stay. But my visa expires, and that is that. I enjoyed my time here, my time with you. But this is not my country."I suddenly seized her hands in mine. A reckless thought came to mind. The morning sun was beautiful, the cliffs and the ocean and. The truth is, for me, the price is too high for me to have children by another biological father or for us to adopt. I'm also not sure anymore if I would want to have children even if it were possible with my husband.Actually, I think that may be the first time I have spoken (or written) those thoughts out loud and unequivocally. My spoken thoughts have always been along the lines of, "I don't know but..."I have never told him that he shouldn't do it if he could. The door is still open to him. But if he were able to find a cure - to produce sperm of his own and get them inside of me - I might not be a willing participant in the process.In fact, I would want him to take the decision out of my hands.I know exactly what it would feel like. He almost did it to me a few years ago, when we thought that we could get pregnant by ordinary means. However, he pulled out at the last second - a decision that made me furious at the time; a decision for which I have chewed him out many times in the.
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