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" She looked at Suzanne. "I especially like what you're wearing, Mom. If that doesn't get his thingy all hard and happy, then what will?" Thanks, Honey Pie, "Suzanne replied. She wore a skin-tight black leather outfit. It was brand new and the first time she'd worn it in front of others. With the dark glasses she had on, she looked like she'd stepped off the set of The Matrix. "But I don't know if this'll get his mojo working. Maybe I'm not flashing enough skin. Or sometimes someone just isn't in the mood. But in any case, I have a more radical suggestion. You know what I was saying earlier, Susan, about the beach?" No beach," Susan replied firmly. "How many times do I have to say 'No' to that already?" Wait. Hear me out. Instead of just Sweetie and me going to the beach, what if we all go? Maybe he just needs a change of scenery to liven things up. If going to a beach with all of us in sexy bathing suits won't get him going, then nothing will. That'd be better than any of these. "Me: "Wait just a second...I said IF I was a good son...as you've told me before, I am NOT a good son. I also ran and got a camera and recorded enough footage thru the keyhole to go viral on the web and make your hubbies go postal on you." [Thank God they didn't grill me, as in 'well, where IS that camera?']You never saw more mortified, embarrassed and concerned women. They huddled on the bed. Mom: "Okay, you sneaky bastard. What do you want? I think we keep about $500 in dad's safe. Will that keep you quiet?"Me: "That's a start...but I want more. I want IT!"My MILF mother and her sister sat up at the end of the bed, cupping their oversized boobs with one arm and covering their blonde (real blonde) furry forests down there with the other. They were seething.Mom: "If you think that Paula and I will open our legs for your worthless little worm, some 3 inch toy like your father and uncle's, you can go screw yourself. My advice is to take the money and run, you little bastard!"Me: "You.
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