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Eventually, I met a man on Craigslist. I felt panicky, yet determined to see it through. I knew full well that I didn't have to go through with it, and hoped he would cancel so I wouldn’t have to. I spent the day thinking about it, working myself into a state of neurotic anxiety. Why was I putting myself through all this? It was as if I had no choice: my desires got the better of my resolution. I felt like a slave to my lust. What was I afraid of, that I would enjoy it? Why would that be bad? Maybe it was because I feared that it would be impossible to resist continuing, but why would that be a bad thing? Why I still experienced these inhibitions I cannot say, but I knew I could force myself to get there, and once there, I would relax, which I did. How could I do this? How could I agree to have sex with not just a man, but a man I hadn’t even met, like some cheap hooker? I used to wonder how women did it and why they did it. Yet here I was, about to do precisely that. I felt. . bewildered...."I'm in charge now," Chelsea clarified. "And you, my darling Mommy, are bottom bitch. Now crawl over here and serve your daughter, serve your new Mistress." Mistress?" Jill said, a word she hadn't heard in a long time, although she read it lots in the lesbian porn she often read, where younger girls seduced and dominated women she pictured as herself... including more than one daughter-mother i****t scene where the daughter was wearing Chelsea's face as she turned her into her pet. She had fantasized this for a while, and she knew that was one of the reasons she was so hard on her daughter; because she was afraid of her own sexual weakness bubbling inside her. So to cover up her shameful lust for her daughter, she had pushed her away."It's a term Auntie Carol tells me you used to use lots," Chelsea said, knowing her mother was weakening and about to cross the line... the same look she had seen on Joan's and Mrs. Walker's faces moments before they had succumbed to her.
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