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I suspect the need for these tactics was exacerbated by the absence of female companionship; my adolescence was a lonely and sexless one. Curiously, two practices emerged, more or less simultaneously: anal self-stimulation, and masturbation ending in ejaculation into my mouth. These practices were infrequent, and attended with feelings of self-revulsion. Nonetheless, I felt driven to do these. This I interpreted at the time as owing to a superabundance of unsatisfied sexual desire. Still, I fantasized about women, and was attracted solely to their bodies. I did eventually have sex with women, and I enjoyed it so much I assumed the result would be the disappearance of these urges and practices. I was right. However, a bit later, I experienced an almost irresistible urge to have sex with a man. I had no idea where this came from, or what to do about it, save to resist, which I did. Despite that, a re-emergence of these seemingly uncontrollable urges seemed to come out of nowhere. I. Francheska, you go an keep and eye on Renee. If she tries to come out, keep her busy and send another gurl to find me.’ ‘Lets get you a drink’ said my new friend Champagne. ‘You can tell me all about Renee and how she broke your heart.’ We walked back to the bar, me ordering a gin/tonic an Champagne having a daiquiri. ‘So handsome, tell me your story. And leave out everything up to you and Renee and the falling out.’ Huh, thinking I might have a sympathetic ear, I rolled it out. Meeting thru friends, a few dates and dinner. Renee barely scratching the surface of her past (Warning sign one, f****y, BF’s and two husbands was not mentioned to me till after a few months…..Warning to those dating, run a back ground check on your date, you could be in for a shock, I was) Took all of two dates to get Renee into bed and three to fuck her in the ass. Warning sign two, easy fuck, no long lasting relationship. ‘And Renee works in the cosmetic industry, some of the men are queer….sorry.
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