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But before he broke it off with you, he fucked you one last time ... in my bedroom. I have it recorded. I have video of Dylan fucking you on my bed like a cheap whore. I can show ya the video if you want. It's hooked up to my TV. Want to go watch?" Tears streamed down her face as she shook her head no. I loved it, and continued: "Also included are the emails and pictures you sent to Young Florida Stud, also known as Derrick, also known as me. You were talking to me, Mom. You sent naked pictures of yourself to me. And today you went to Publix to meet me. Of course, you didn't know this. You wouldn't want me at all involved in your sex life. But now I am involved." Until I mentioned that I would be involved with her sex life, my Mom wasn't making eye contact with me as I spoke. Now she stared right at me. "See at first, I was going to use this information to get as much money as I possibly could. I know you control just about all the money that Dad makes, and I was going to make sure. I think she said, “Open the test book,” but it could have been “Do you want fries with that?” Her accent was a real problem. Everyone else opened their test books and she didn’t shoot any of them, so I opened mine. The entire test was on the out-of-class work, there was nothing from the lectures. That was the best gift I could have received. From her lectures I couldn’t tell if the Iroquois were actually aliens, or were descended from Irish explorers who visited the New World before Columbus, or maybe were an Eastern tribe of the Sioux. The out of class work I knew backwards and forwards. I actually felt good leaving the test. I had aced it, and squeaked out a B in the course. When I got back to the room Jay wanted to talk some more. I wanted to sleep. I told him to see Dr. Wagoner, and then we’d talk. Drew stopped by to ask if I minded if he started dating Janice. I told him he could date the Queen of fucking Belgium if he wanted to, please just let me sleep. They let me sleep. The.
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