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It was pointless to bring it up since there was nothing we could do about it and no one was keeping score."Let's talk about it in the morning after a full night's sleep; we need to pick up and go to bed." I kissed her cheek and rubbed her neck with my hand.Alice cleaned the pan and our mess kits while I wrapped Rocky's remains in a plastic shopping bag and buried it deep in the hole I'd dug in the snowdrift. Food storage wasn't a problem. We lived in a walk-in freezer."We're not going to bed without a bath. You stink, I stink, we all stink," Alice said as she scratched under her boob. Scratching, like yawning, is contagious. I chased a sympathetic itch crawling across my belly.She was busy melting snow for our bath water while I set about gathering bundles of pine branches for an additional layer of insulation under our sleeping bags. I completed several trips to deliver natural bedding to our tent by the time the pot was steaming away.The air inside our shelter was chilly, but also. I’m thirty five, Jack. I have done the dating scene, and the superficial men there, are not what I want. I want a man who recognises me as a person, a man who makes me feel warm and cared for. I would not want to go back to dross, when I have the real thing in my life.’ I heard her words and wanted so much to believe her. Yet my logic was telling me that loneliness and hurt were awaiting me after a year or two. I got up, and reached for my jacket. ‘I’m sorry Ally. Very sorry. I believe that you believe what you are telling me, but I am the one who is fearful of the hurt that will inevitably happen. Call it self-preservation if you will, but I have to go with my instincts. Don’t think bad of me, please.’ I drove slowly, and yes if you ask I did shed a tear. Who wouldn’t? Back home I poured myself a glass of Bushmills malt whiskey. If ever there was a night that needed a drink, this was it. The ten year old malt warmed inside, as someone once said ‘Like Angels dancing on your tongue’,.
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