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I try to understand it. I try to make peace with it. I try to convince my heart that the ache, the pain, the emptiness will go away. That there will be a ‘someone’ for me, a ‘someday’ for me. That there is the possibility, however remote, of a new beginning, a new start for my failed life. Each day I try. Each day I hope. I hope you are well. I hope you are OK. I hope that I am at least a passing thought in your day to day life now. I hope you remember the things we talked about. I hope that someday we can still be friends. Each day I think. Each day I cry. I cry for the love I had to give up. I cry for the longing I have in my heart. I cry for the future that holds no joy for me. I cry and I wonder how I can go on feeling this way, lost and alone. I cry, with the knowing that I am lost, confused and alone. Each day I cry. Each day I worry. I worry that I can and will not make it. That I will attempt something irrational. That I will give in and surrender to my sorrow, my pain, my. Capricious, I thought and smiled. Yes, that matched her perfectly. It was an easy choice. I filled my glass and took a sip. The wine was young, and it immediately unfolded its aroma on my tongue, bringing memories of lovely summer evenings and unburdened times. I walked back, gently swirling the wine in the glass. She hadn’t moved an inch, but I could see her elbows already begin to tremble. So I moved to the table, took another sip and put the glass down next to the bag. I reached inside and saw impatience flutter through her face. She quickly schooled it, but I had seen it. Impatience was never to be met with wish fulfillment. So I picked up the cat ears hair band instead and approached, grinning softly. I brushed all the hair from her face and set the hair band on top her head, determined not to let on just how cute she looked with the fluffy pink adornments. “You can take off your t-shirt.” Oh, how I wanted to chuckle at her antics. The moment the words had left my throat, her.
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