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It would have been taking advantage of you and I could never, ever, do that to you or any girl. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, but I’m happy to say I didn’t make one with you.”She looked around, then looked down and spoke softly, “And if I offered now?”“I’d still say no, Alyson,” I replied gently. “Not because you’re not desirable and not because I don’t think I’d enjoy it, but because your life is here, in Iowa City. Find a guy here, fall in love, then have sex. Don’t have sex with anyone just because you think you owe it to them or because they were nice to you! You’re worth way more than that! I know this might sound silly, but pretend you’re a virgin and think about the next guy you’re with as your first. He should be the first one you love, not just a guy to do it with because you feel you owe him something.”She looked at me for a moment, and a tear ran down her face, followed by another. I reached across the table and used my thumbs to wipe the tears from her cheeks.“But. A gentle smirk appeared on her face. As usual, no one noticed, especially not him. They’d had the talk, they had already determined the continuation of their ‘just friends’ status. She recognized that the chance of her desire playing out was slim. It was a harsh realization, but a true one. Even, by small miracle, they shared a night of physical passion, it would become nothing. That was the hardest thought of all. Out of everything that she had wanted in her life, the two things she wanted most would probably never come to fruition: his sons. She was aware of the seriousness of her want, how a twenty-year-old should not hope for such things. Yet the thought of taking his seed into her and creating life with him sent her mind into a tailspin hurricane of emotion. Nobody — not him, not even her best friends — knew how deeply her feelings for him dwelt. They coiled in her core, a writhing nest of disappointment crying out for his touch, screaming a silent scream in vain. he could not.
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