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My abduction, the rape, everything had been in the news, everything but the video. The way people looked at me, I just couldn't stand it! In Eureka nobody knows but my therapist and my roomy, Claire."Joey clenched his jaw and the knuckles on the steering wheel were white. Deirdre noticed."What, Joey?" I got a lot of shit after you left. Everybody thought I'd dumped you because of the rape." Oh shit," Deirdre moaned. "I'm sorry. What did you tell them?" Nothing. What could I tell them?" God, I made such a mess. I didn't even realize what I did to you until Rachel confronted me with it." The therapist?"Deirdre nodded. "She helped me put the pieces together. You know, when I planned to come back after the first year I wanted to give us a try again. Rachel told me to give you a chance. You know what happened. I met Mom in San Francisco and she told me she was expecting your child." She held up her hand. "Wait! She explained things to me. I know I overreacted. But this was crushing. I. After I dry heaved a dozen or more times, I crawled to the sink, and hauled myself up. Light spilled in from the bedroom area, I had neglected to darken the room before wallowing in my damnable self pity.I looked like I felt; a haggard old man more friends with agonizing death than ever I would be with Rachel. A lost soul. If my prose leaves something to be desired, surely it is because as I write this, I’m reliving the agony I felt, the pain of loss, of staring deep into Nietzsche’s abyss, and the harrowing feeling of being drilled to my core by the eyes of the beast. I filled a glass with water and rinsed out my mouth.But it wasn’t enough to rid my mouth of that caustic burn, so I turned on the lights, wincing in pain, and put toothpaste on my toothbrush.I stopped, dropping the tube of Colgate and my brush. I touched the sink to the right of where my toothbrush had been. I don’t have very many idiosyncrasies, but this was one of them…I always placed my straight razor to the right.
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