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But it was only a thought and I wasn't even close to it. Fortunately fate took a hand and I had a miscarriage. I hadn't told anyone other than the boy responsible, my parents weren't even aware of it.After that harrowing experience I refused to be fucked by any boy even if he insisted that there was no danger of pregnancy because he'd use contraceptives.Tommy even came back begging to lay me and he was the last person who would ever have had the chance. When I left school I got a job in an office because I knew how to type pretty fast. I was stuck in an office and they shoved all the work they could at me. My parents were always arguing about me wanting to know why I didn't go on a diet.When we were out in the car, my father had a habit of pressing down hard on the accelerator whenever he was mad - and I guess it did it once too often when he and Mum were out on the highway. I was home watching television when I got a call from the hospital telling me that there' been a terrible. Slinky, slithery, strangely gross squeezes and jabs of sharpelectric agony. Jaggidy, ugly saw toothed caresses, moving andpossessing my entire helpless tender little body.I clenched myself against the invasion from within. He shielded me fromthe view of the world with his body. Only smiling at me watching mylessons of pain which he manifested purely through thought."Close your eyes my baby, lean back into daddy as you suffer. You're mysweet little satiny ruffle girl now." I did, and as that happened, theelectric monster within me began to settle in stillness for amoment...pulsing and threatening, through every fiber of my body, butnot doing anything harsh just yet.The minute I leaned my full back into his chest he circled me with hisarms from behind. He folded my arms under his and held my hands,together with his, in my lap. My breathing deepened as the fearmounted, but I tried so hard to trust him again, and to be strongthrough the pain I knew I deserved. It was all I really.
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