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I know if you could read this you would think it was not love but lust that I feel but nothing could be less true. Did you not know that you were the only man I ever truly loved and whom I felt secure enough to want to explore my sexuality with? But it does not matter now, does it? Maybe I should have told you all this before… but now it’s too late and you are lost to me. Why did you leave me alone to live everyday with this emptiness inside me? We could have been so good together. Didn’t you know how much I loved you? How I adored you and worshiped the very ground you walked on? I knew you were scared but I never really understood what you were scared of. Me? Was I too pushy? Did I show my love for you too much or not enough? Or were you afraid you were not man enough to cope with my needs? Did you not realize that my love for you could have released that man that I could see was crying out to be understood? Did you know that when I looked into your eyes I could see the loneliness. How did it go.”“It looks like I’m going to be blind for a time, it may heal itself, it may not.”“Oh Karen I’m so sorry, but you don’t look like you’re blind, you looked like you were looking at me as I came in.”I explained to Sharri what the problem was and how it may resolve itself in time. Then I had to go through everything else the doctor had told me. She stayed with me all evening, helped me with my first meal since waking and just made me happy to be with a friendly fa ... human being.After she left I slept fitfully waking screaming or crying several times reliving the attack.The next morning I was moved to a private room, the hospital couldn’t discharge me yet but I kept waking the other patients on the ward during the night.I was in the hospital for another month. It was sheer hell to start with, almost like trying to learn to walk again. My muscles had wasted away while I was out of it and I had to work hard to build them up and I had to learn to walk with my new white.
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