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All of that was bad enough. But why did he feel the need to be so constantly mean toward me? Even after I told him to be more respectful or we were through.I gave him one month to straighten out. He didn’t. It was painful to have to boot him out, to have no boyfriend of my own. But my girlfriend, and her boyfriend, very lovingly helped me through that. Two weeks of sharing a bed with them both, in their arms every night, really cheered me up. A lot!And now I know exactly what my perfect man is – the perfect man for me, anyway, even if he’s nobody else’s ideal of the perfect man. Because six weeks after I dumped Mister All Wrong, I met my perfect man. He has been in my bed every night for over 300 consecutive nights now. And I’ve never in my whole life felt happier.So let me tell you my specs for my perfect man. My Ted.First, he is black. Well, actually a lovely shade of dark chocolate. I think it might must be true. Once you’ve gone black, there’s no going back.But not that fake. . It may have been posted before, but worth a repeat.She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of spring-water. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left...When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to.
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