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It was not just a dream. It developed into a craving for pain and humiliation that I neither could or wanted to control. I realized that it had to surface some day. I read everything I could on the subject and when I found 'The Story of O' it was like a revelation to me. I also wrote down many of my secret dreams and desires and mostly I destroyed my notes so that nobody would see them. My entire teens were filled with casual sex contacts that left me cold and a constant feeling of emptiness.------I feel so utterly sinful as I sense the dew fresh grass under my bare feet with the soft morning breeze caressing my bare sex. The birds are greeting me with their happy singing, welcoming me into a new and wonderful day. The mere sight of the huge, old birch tree and shrubs of switches and wickers fills me with lust and anticipation and I am already wet. I have with me a pair of pruning shears and I collect switches and birch rods, from very slim ones to long and thick ones with sharp,. I shrugged and nodded in answer to her question. Then I held my finger up to my lips. I didn’t want her talking about what I was drawing until the time was right.She nodded. “I have to be quiet while you draw. I understand.”Well, yes. I meant that too.Pearl curled her legs up under her and snuggled in next to me. She laid her head on my shoulder and sighed.I rolled the pencil between my fingers and used the back of my hand to brush the paper I was about to draw on. Then I started. I knew exactly what I wanted to draw. I only hoped that I would be able to finish it in time.I did manage to finish in time – sort of. I was more or less finished with five minutes to spare but I sat there and kept adding little details. To my surprise, Pearl hadn’t moved during that entire time. My entire side where she snuggled against me felt warm and cosy. My other side was warm too because of the heater. I glanced down at my shoulder where Pearl’s head still rested and wondered why there was a damp.
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