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Now I didn’t have to feel guilty about killing myself. The effect it would have on my family was one of the only things keeping me from ending it all. Now I could just let the cancer do it for me.In a way, it felt good to finally have an answer as to why I suffered from depression. I had been depressed for most of my eighteen years, even suicidal, completely in contrast to the comfortable middle-class life I lived in my hometown in Maine. I couldn’t even count the number of antidepressants, forced therapy lessons, and thoughts of longing to just die. There are people starving all over the world, people suffering. It’s a mystery to people like me why they just don’t kill themselves. It is the only question I will leave behind. How do they have lives that make my horrors look pathetic, but they have the will to live that I lack? That was always an issue nagging in the back of my mind: being depressed without having a reason. It was that mixture of guilt for knowing that I should. ”“This is PFC Wilson, the senior man on watch aboard the Oxford. How may I assist you?”“Will, this is Pappy. I need you to work with the AI to do an emergency sortie. Get yourself to shipyard dock six at best speed. I’ll transport aboard shortly.”“Dang, Pappy, you sure like to surprise people! I’ll get right on it!”I disconnected and turned to Jeff. “Jeff, coordinate with the AI about the changes. If we’re going to become a stealth platform, make sure you do all we can without impacting our crazy tight timeline on this.”“Will do, Pappy!” a happy Ensign Chandler replied.“AI, inform Port Operations that we are conducting an emergency sortie drill.”Had I forgotten anything? I was putting a bunch of stuff in motion and I had never done something like this before. Someone around here was going to get pissed off if I hadn’t made sure every piece of Truman that could be involved with this was properly notified. I couldn’t think of anything I missed. As for the crew, well, I wasn’t too.
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