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I keep playing through what I did or where I went wrong but I keep coming blank then swap into these horrible bouts of self-loathing for not doing better at whatever the fuck was wrong. I keep thinking of him too. What he might be doing right now and constantly wondering if he is thinking of me at all. If he even cares about me to begin with? Etc, etc, etc. Insert standard sadness shit here, blah... As you know, I struggle with trying to distract myself with other tasks or activities that might help take my mind off how unworthy I feel - and how much wine I've consumed in recent months - but nothing is helping. I can't even find someone who is willing to hold me for longer than a few hours, without it being in between meaningless sex. Hell, at this point, even a friend would be nice. Someone I can just talk to who would be willing to listen and make sure I don't die from alcohol poisoning - or loneliness, whichever gets me first. I don't know how in the world I got to this point in. "No, I'm okay now, Robyn. Go to bed."Robyn's eyes stung. She was hurt, thinking that Jim couldn't stand hertouch. She bit her lip and said quietly, "Okay. Night, Jim." She rose toleave, then paused at the door and turned back to look at him.She could barely believe her eyes, especially considering how severelydrunk Jim was. But the last thing she saw before pulling the door closedwas a huge bulge in his pants as he flopped back on the bed and closed hiseyes. * * * * *"Meg?" Robyn tapped at the bedroom door. She heard a grunt and opened thedoor a crack, peeking inside. "You awake?"Megan rolled over in bed and looked up at her friend. "I am now." Sorry. I... I... just wondered if you'd give me a lift to the busstation."Megan sat up and looked sadly at Robyn. The girl looked like hell. Sheobviously hadn't slept a wink. It was only seven in the morning. "Oh Robyn. You sure?"Robyn nodded and bit her lip. "Yeah. Jim's still sleeping. He'll have abad head when he wakes. He... he doesn't.
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I say “thanks”, and an empty silence takes over the table. She is looking down fumbling with a sugar packet. I ask her if she would like a coffee? She says, “to late for Java, maybe just a hot chocolate”. I grab some coco for her with cream on top and a decaf for myself. I put the tasty treat in front of her. She says, ‘Yummy, cream-nice touch”. She takes a spoon and pushes the cream out of the way and takes a sip. Leah has little cream on her upper lip and all I can think of is how much I want to kiss it off. She is wearing a black V-neck blouse with a purple lace bra that is coddling her cleavage perfectly. She looks up, and with those big brown eyes says, “OK, I’ll start”. “I can’t stand being around Sarah ever since that night, I feel terrible”. She says, quite frankly Sarah’s a bitch, and I never felt she deserved you, but honestly no one deserves being cheated on. I agree, on all counts, I say. Leah now confused says, “even about the bitch part?” Yes, Leah listen to me, women.

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