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For some reason I'd always taken the chat for nervous talk. I told you there were a few times when Lindsey would happily let me get her tits out and would even go as far as to give me a hand job. So I'd put all her talking down to her nervously trying to distract me from taking things any further. Well, that evening, Lindsey was to prove to me that I was wrong on that assumption."Jealous! Christ, Mack, of course I was bloody jealous of them. Why do you think I rushed out of the Willow's like that, that day! Jesus, when I saw you standing there with those four women, I knew that you'd ... gotten laid, that's the word you use, isn't it? Of course I was bloody jealous. I just couldn't stay and had to get as far away from you and them as I could." I'm sorry, Lindsey. Look, if you want, after we're married we can move right away from here." Don't be stupid, Mack. I said 'I was' jealous of them, but I'm not any more. They are my very good friends now; I know that not one of them, or you,. I don’t think I ever did.’ I smiled. ‘Don’t try to understand me, Ian. I’m a woman.’ He laughed sharply, lowering his head for a moment. ‘Got me there.’ The waitress returned with his drink. I told her we needed some more time with the menu. Ian looked back up once we were alone again. ‘Tell me this is only what I think it is,’ he said. I recognized those words, the same ones I had said to him so long ago. ‘And what do you think it is?’ I asked. His eyes held mine. ‘That this is just a beautiful young woman who wants to return to what she loves,’ he said. ‘And not some attempt to get back at me for a mistake.’ I took in his face, his expressions, the slight and subtle play of his emotions. He was afraid of me, I realized. Afraid of what I knew, and that I could ruin him because of it. ‘We all make mistakes, Ian,’ I said. ‘I don’t want to dwell on them anymore. I just want to go back to being alive.’ He stared for a long moment, trying to decide if I was being serious or just.
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