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Herbrown eyes. Her perfect breasts. Her navel. And, of course, her penis.I studied the veins on it.From that moment, my life changed. My imagination was widened. When Iclosed my eyes and stroked myself, I'd do it with my brunette in mind.Was I gay? No, not exactly. I don't know what I wanted to do with thegirl in the picture. Was I straight? No, not remotely. I wouldn't learnthe term "admirer" for years, but I was hooked by my gorgeoustranssexual. I didn't tell anyone -- not then -- but I could not close myeyes without imagining that picture.I am in my 30s now. I still remember that picture. I still remember theway it made me feel.You can call me names if you want. They're just labels intended toevoke emotions.Then again, so are photos.* *After that, I tried to learn more about the transgender lifestyle.There were movies -- Boy Meets Girl and The Crying Game and, recently,the Danish Girl. There were essays written about Candis Cayne andCaitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox. There were TV. She made no comment if she did, but she continued to hug me and whisper ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you.’ I stood there like an oaf, holding onto my toothbrush with one hand and willing my other one not to touch forbidden territory.She finally pulled away from me, and I showed her where the washcloths and towels were and opened the drawer where a new toothbrush resided. Julie went back into the guest bedroom, long enough for me to finish brushing my teeth. I said good night and went into my room, closed the door and turning off the light crawled into bed. I spent the next few minutes trying to will my boner into softness, and, when I finally succeeded, I started to drift off.I could hear Julie in the bathroom running the water and flushing the toilet. Then I heard my door open and her voice, almost a whisper, asking if she could please sleep in my bed tonight. I was startled enough to sit up and look at her naked body silhouetted in the bathroom light and started to say ‘no’,.
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