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“Simon went like that,” the man said, pointing at Mitzi’s tutu. “Emma couldn’t cope with it, so she came to me. We were together a while, and then she left. That’s what this is about.”“Oh,” I say, unsure how I feel about any of it, but anxious to get the slapping out of the way.“Yes,” the man says. “Emma was tall for a girl, athletic, nice chest, long legs, loads of thick dark hair with a fringe; big brown eyes and sex-doll lips. Nose was smaller but otherwise you’re the dead spit.”I spin around.“Mitzi!” I shout. “Am I some sort of Emma methadone?”Mitzi starts crying. Absurdly, the only thing I can think of is how her lovely makeup will be spoiled. I shake my head.“Let’s get this over with,” I say.He tenses. I keep my eyes fixed on his, but when his arm moves I flinch and blink, cursing my weakness. There’s no pain, just an odd spinning, then a greater darkness. I anticipate the feel of cool, dewy grass against my jangling face, but…I open my eyes. I’m still standing; I haven’t been. 5. DID I SAY THAT???Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: 'Give me all your money or I'll shoot', the man shouted, 'That's not what I said!'6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING???A man spoke frantically into the phone: 'My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart'. 'Is this her first child?', the doctor asked. 'No! Jackass!' the man shouted, 'This is her husband!'7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!!In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!8. THE GRAND FINALE!!!Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they.
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