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Phallic bits of plastic (or glass or wood or organically harvested rainbows or whatever the newest fad is) just don’t inspire me. They don’t reach the right spots. Doesn’t matter if they are realistic enough for you to think some dude must be sitting in a bathtub full of ice right now crying inconsolably, or if they look like something that modern art installation enthusiasts might buy for half a million dollars. Shape, color, texture, size, function – I caught them all like they are pokemon. You can find roughly 800 bucks worth of the latest ones in a box at the bottom of my closet. (The older ones have long since relocated to the landfill because gross. Guys, gals, please don’t hoard your toys too long.)None of those thingamajigs has ever given me anything more than a numb pussy and a cramp in my wrist. I only have them because Stacy works at a sex toy shop, has too much money, and deeply believes in conversion. She wants me out of that sad 0.1% and if it’s the last thing she ever. 'Gonna bebusy a lot with uni work, though.''Ditto for both things,' Laura typed. 'College instead of uni. And dancesociety lol.''Krystie and Zoe will be happy you're dancing somewhere at least!'Stephanie typed with a 'winking' emoji. 'Still can't believe you didn'tget into Elite class.''Didn't apply!' Laura replied. 'Want to be an actress, not a professionaldancer.''Kinda losing me here,' Ellie typed, earning 'blushing' emojis from hertwo friends.'Krystie= Krystie Fullerton, Angel and dance teacher,' Stephanieexplained. 'Zoe= the other teacher at the school. Elite class= trainingto become professional ballerinas.''Is this at the Krystie Fullerton School of Dance?' Ellie asked.'Yep!' Stephanie replied. 'Thought you hadn't signed up for it?''I didn't but a friend at uni has,' Ellie typed. 'Is on the waiting listfor the adult class.''Ah, cool!' Laura typed with a 'grinning' emoji. 'Wanted to do thatmyself but- obviously- didn't want to go there alone if there wasn'tanyone I knew there.
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