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Heavy lashes flutter, casting shadows across her cheeks. Unbidden, memories flash through my mind—Valerie laughing, Valerie happy, Valerie kissing, Valerie cumming, Valerie, Valerie, Valerie.I still want her. That never stops. That gnawing desire has been with me so long I can’t imagine what it would be like not to want her. But just like always, it’s a temptation I can’t allow himself to have. I’ve given in before and it’s only made me feel like a bigger piece of shit.“What are you thinking so hard about?”Valerie’s voice is soft and she almost sounds like she used to, like she still cares about me.“The past.” I don’t need to elaborate. The way she shuts down tells me she knows what I mean.She digs into her purse for her phone and checks it. The angles of her face are illuminated in the unnatural and eerie glow. “No wonder you had a frown on your face.”“I’m really happy to see you, you know,” I tell her.Her expression changes. “Really?”“Really.”She throws her phone back in her bag. She described herself a certain way, though, in her profile, that made me curious. I’m so used to seeing pictures and reading descriptions online of women who can’t possibly exist in real life. I’m so used to the pneumatic breasts that defy gravity, and the pussies that are always cleanly shaved, always tight and always wet, the smooth and flawless complexions and the drop-dead gorgeous faces. And then someone comes along and sees herself with objectivity and honesty, and maybe even if they are drop-dead gorgeous, they won’t admit it (especially not to herself), and she calls herself plain. Ordinary. Average. That just blew me away. I always saw myself the same way, I guess. No six-pack abs, not over six feet tall, no daily workouts at the gym with muscles glistening from the sweat. Who has time for that? If I have five minutes left to breathe after working each day, I use those five minutes to be a father. Not a superman, not even a hunk, but just someone’s daddy. So no matter how.
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