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I was grateful, to be honest. I didn’t want to be alone, but I didn’t want my father hovering over me. After a few minutes of standing in my bedroom doorway, motionless, I made my way out to the kitchen. I was like a man possessed. I remember pulling out the silverware drawer. I remember pulling out the knife my mother used to cut vegetables when she cooked. Slowly, knife in hand, I walked back into my bedroom. I sat on the floor and leaned against my closet door, something I had done since childhood. I was always afraid of what was hiding in the dark and I thought leaning against the door would keep them from escaping. Slowly, I stretched my left arm out straight. With the knife, I traced the scars of my old wounds. I didn’t feel the quick slits. I only felt the delicious pain that came with them. After the blood came, I sat there limp, my arm dangling off to the side and my hand lightly grasping the knife. I slowed my breathing and lowered my eye lids as I felt the warm liquid. He liked the way they felt to touch when he ran his hands up and down her hosiery covered legs. He was developing a fetish for nylons even though he had no idea why he was so drawn to these mysterious feminine articles of his mother's clothing. What little boy wouldn't experience excitement from a mother who allowed and encouraged him to play with her new, boxed stockings while also putting them on in front of him almost daily. He loved the way the sun glistened off her nylons when they were outside at a local park or walking along the sidewalk in their neighborhood. He also couldn't help noticing how they would wrinkle and crease slightly at his mother's ankles and knees as she moved a certain way. He was so aware of their presence that he noticed every woman he saw who was wearing them as well as those who weren't even asking his mother once why one of her neighbors was NOT wearing stockings. It seemed like the normal thing for all women to do.Flash forward several decades. Roger,.
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