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I’m not very good at being passive. Arms are next. As she works, I recall how I once hated my upper arms, how I wouldn’t wear sleeveless tops even on sweltering summer days. She somehow senses this and asks, ‘Did I trigger a memory?’ ‘Baggage,’ I admit. ‘Good riddance.’ ‘Gotcha. This isn’t easy for you. I can tell.’ Is it that obvious? I don’tknow how to respond, so I do what I typically do in those situations: I retreat. I tiptoe away, leaving my body to enjoy her touch without the interference of my mind. Alone in my little emotional cave, safe and dark, I wonder why I invest so much energy into hiding my insecurities. In so doing, what do I achieve? More importantly, perhaps, what do I lose? The deepest, most fulfilling relationships I’ve ever known are those in which I bare those insecurities—or, at the very least, am willing to do so. Is there any love deeper than the absence of fear? ‘You’re doing great, though.’ Her voice follows me into my mind cavern. My body is sinking into. He scanned across her rack of skirts anddecided he was not going to be putting those on of his free will. Helifted a pair of her shorts up to examine them and decided he was notprepared to wear shorts that zipped up the back. Besides, her pantswere not going to fit over these jockey briefs and he was not going toput on her panties. He slipped his feet into a pair of his tennis shoesbut the fit was quite absurd and any attempt to walk proved to bedangerous. He laced them as tight as they would go but his feet stillslid out with virtually no effort. He walked over to her closest andpicked up a pair of her pink tennis shoes and shook his head. He thenstepped back and took a wide look over the 2 or 3 dozen pairs of shoesof all sorts of sizes and shapes. He got more curious than he expected.He picked out one of the 4-inch high sandal looking pair of dressyshoes. What would they feel like? He glanced over his shoulder to makesure he was still alone for he certainly did not wish.
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