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The old scars and the newer cuts, yet to completely heal; raised welts on the skin. My head spinning, the tears spilling down my cheeks, I cut crossways, clean and methodical, a perfect 90? angle. Again. Again.I lie back and watch the blood mingle with the water.***And that was my day; a Thursday. Only one more day to go until the weekend, and two days of freedom.***So who am I? What am I? And why?I'm just getting to grips with these questions myself, but I suppose I have to come clean sometime (Christ, I feel like I'm at an AA meeting). Hi, my name is Chris, and I'm a transsexual (gasps from the back).Nobody understands what a transsexual is, unless they are one or they have prior experience of our kind. We're not exactly well-publicised in the media, except as the obligatory 'joke stories' in certain supposedly upmarket tabloids. I can't describe how it is for every transsexual, but this is how it feels for me.I was born as nothing. As a blank slate, an open canvas upon. “I don’t know, Mom. You’d have to ask him.”“I figured I’d wait until after Joe wasn’t grounded anymore to see if things go back to normal first.”Normal. Yeah, things hadn’t been normal for a couple of months. “Sounds like a good idea.”“Do you know if Bethany is going tonight?”“Not really. If she is, she’ll probably be going with Collen.”Mom glanced at me as if my tone had given something away. “You don’t sound happy about that.”“She’s being stupid and won’t listen to me.”“Is she sleeping with him?” Mom whispered.“Yeah,” I said, knowing it would get back to her Mom. I didn’t care.Mom just took a deep breath as she turned into the school loop. “I didn’t mean to bring you down on your big night.”“It’s okay. I’m not as nervous now,” I said and gave her a thin smile. “Thanks for everything.”“Have fun,” Mom said as she pulled up to stop. “And you can stay here tonight, but I want you to call me when you go back to Sam’s room so I know you’re safe. And speaking of Sam...”My door opened and.
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