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All I wanted to do was hold him. But the rules didn’t permit it. He was too fragile, too sick, and too little. But soon, they promised. Even now wasn’t soon enough. No one understood how much Matthew meant. No one understood how hard the decision was to have a baby. I’d fought getting pregnant for a long time, afraid we’d lose our freedom. And now… Matt understood, but he had collapsed from exhaustion. I’d sent him home to get some sleep. I glanced around the room. Thirty more isolettes, just like Matthew’s, lined the room. Other moms stared into their own plastic boxes. Maybe someone else did understand. Maybe I wasn’t alone. We were like a secret club – mothers with sick babies – membership not recommended. I wanted to breastfeed, but he was too little. The nurse gave me a breast pump, showed me how to use it, and instructed me to save my breast milk in the freezer. It had to be labeled – name, date and time. They would feed it to Matthew through the tube that was going into his. I was tempted to take you right then and there, but I know how noisy you are, plus, we had work to do. As we went over the last of the paperwork, even though you acted like you were interested in the 'office' training, the way you constantly shifted around in your chair, scratched at imaginary itches on the inside of your thighs, and the casual manner in which you rested your tits on your crossed arms as you 'listened', I knew good fucking well, you were punishing me for not satisfying your earlier carnal cravings. I nonchalantly answered your teases by rubbing my hand up and down my semi erect shaft. As we finished training, I removed my glasses, sticking the end of one arm in my mouth and sat back, rocking slowly as I watched you watching me. Somewhat squinting my eyes at you, I asked, "So Lexi, what did you take away from the end of training?" You cocked your head slightly, then looked at me with a blank stare, smiled and answered, "What? Were you saying something? Hmmm ?" Then.
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