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Don’t worry about my judging you or calling you pervy. I’m flattered that you like what you see well enough to give me a second, third, and fourth look.”“I was pathologically shy when I was a teenager. I never went after the girl I really wanted. I always settled for the girl I could get. Somewhere on my bucket list is making love to a girl who is truly beautiful and acknowledged by others to be beautiful. That sounds confusing because I didn’t phrase it very well in my own thinking before now. I meant a girl who had posed for a famous magazine that is known for sexy pictures of sexy women, like ‘Playboy’ used to be, or a mainstream film star everyone agrees is beautiful and sexy. I never wanted a porn star because they all seem to be about sex with no emotion. For me, that would be sex without love or meaning. While I never thought I would like a girl who competes in pageants, I do like you, and I see your pageant wins as the kind of acknowledged beauty I was thinking about to. Shit, I was still a little high."You know what I mean smartass, why aren't you in class?" He stopped in front of me, trying to stare me down with those beady little eyes. Clarence Lecter was a short, fat, near-sighted simpleton who thought he was the shit because he was a principal. He looked a whole lot like that smart asshole Sicilian on "The Princess Bride." INCONCEIVABLE! We had a loving relationship because we saw so much of each other. I had a reputation too, you see, and while "stoner" isn't as bad as "slut," it still managed to put me in a great position with authority figures. He began to sniff the air around me. "Is that marijuana I smell son? Have you been smoking doobies in my school?" I really tried not to laugh, I really did, but hearing the word "doobie" is so damn funny, especially when I'm stoned. I started giggling but snapped out of it as quickly as possible."Uh sir ... I really wouldn't know if you smell weed ... err ... marijuana, because I don't know what it.
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