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The memories of that intense sexual pleasure keeping me alive. Keeping me ticking.?Despair also, because of the fading memories of my life before my ‘problems’ had been identified. ?I tried to remember, I really did. What company did I work for? Where did I live? How old was I? ?Is it Autumn of Winter? Am I going mad? Insane? Worse? ?Actually I feared it was the ‘worse’.?Utter despair that my entire focus was on the thrummings, the throbbing and not on my daughter Stefani. ?Desperate despair that even memories of her were fading. And yet when they did turn up in flashback, they were lucid, almost like I could touch her face peering up at me out of a mist. ?It was then I suffered the most terrible, soul destroying guilt and shame. ?I was beginning to know, to accept that it was ‘my’ fault I was here. No-one elses fault. Just mine. My fault. ?Everyone, Sabirah, Debra... were helping me. ?Helping me overcome this problem. This creeping hell that was slowly thrumming away at the base of. " Yeah, well, I was just trying to make it not hurt so bad." He and my mother had big smiles on their faces."Stop, Rob, my parents are the same way. You can't win in this conversation." Kay, you, too? I'm outnumbered again."We spent the day visiting with my parents' friends. We ended up having lunch with one couple and dinner with another. Besides those friends there were four or five others. It took up the whole day but when we got back to the house we still set up for cards again. This time it was the guys against the gals. We split the first two games and the third was a knock down battle but Dad and I won it, barely.My parents went to bed but Kay and I stayed in the living room and talked for a little while."Today has been interesting, hasn't it?" Interesting is one descriptor for today, tiring is another. Did you know all those people, Rob?" I know the people we ate with, both times. I also know two of the other couples; the rest were new to me. Was it all okay with you?" Oh, I.
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