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I had my head in my hands. "No, Kelly, no! We don't have to separate. I love you, Kelly! You must know that I love you." I was desperately trying not to break down."You love me, Ben, do you? So why do you encourage me to fuck Carl all the time?" The emphasis on the word 'fuck' could not have been stronger. She was really putting the knife in. And then she twisted it! "But at least he does want to fuck me, and not just watch someone else doing it!"Her remark was mortifying but it was no more than I deserved. I chose to ignore it. "Is it Carl? Are you in love with him?" I might have been, Ben. I was certainly very fond of him." There was a momentary wistful look and then her demeanour altered, as if she had made up her mind about something, which indeed, she had. "I'm sorry, Ben, I shouldn't have mentioned it tonight. I should have waited till the morning. But I don't want to discuss it any more tonight because I am absolutely shattered. I'm going to have a relaxing bath and then I'm. . sorry, sorry. It's justyou do something to me and ... (beep).That didn't sound too desperate did it? God what a loser I am. I'vealways preached never leave anything incriminating or embarrassing ontape. I just can't help it right now. I feel helpless. My emotions aretrouncing my better sense. I've placed one call a day for the past fivedays. He hasn't returned a single one. Unfortunately, each one soundsmore desperate than the last. I've been using a dildo to fuck myself to sleep and waking the same way.I imagine it's him and not just some rigid piece of rubber. I imagine myhand is his as I lick the cum from my fingers. I don't even touch myselfanymore, I cum just from being fucked. But I have to be fucked to cum.Why does that make me feel proud?I made such a mess of things down on the cape last weekend. Ioverreacted. I just go so jealous seeing that queen kiss Daniel, I blewup. I behaved like a brat, a spoiled brat. I saw them kiss and Ifreaked. I don't know what came over me. I'm.
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