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"Occupation?" No, just here for a few days."I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.I woke up this morning at 8 and could sense something was wrong.I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do.Then I remembered "the local cafe serves breakfast until 11."Got caught having a pee in the local swimming pool today.The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a shovel killing him instantly.He then began to dig a grave with the shovel.Astonished, I got back into bed.My wife said, "Darling, you're shaking, what is it?" You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said, "That tosser next door has still got my bloody shovel."A man is seeking to join the Vancouver Police. Then she started to tell me all about her daughter and her first year of University and how she would love to be a student again. All the time she chattered on, she was oblivious to the stares she was getting from people as we walked along. Knowing her as well as I did I knew that this was all a preamble to whatever she really wanted to talk to me about. We chatted about my kids and how well they were adjusting to life without their mum, and wouldn’t she be proud of them, if she could see them. I felt the sense of great loss still, but it was heartening to know that I no longer felt the urge to run away from the world and lock myself away, everytime her name was mentioned. Finally, we arrived and were greeted by the Maitre D and ushered to a lovely corner table, with the comment that Helen’s favourite wine would be brought along any minute, just as requested. If I didn’t know already I knew I was being set up now for sure! Smiling to myself I waited patiently for whatever topic it.
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