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Throwing on my robe, I sit back on the bed, my back against the headboard. I feel empty, and suddenly very cold. “Patrick, we’ve talked about this. I want it, too. …just feel like I need to protect her.” His voice comes out tight. “Protect her from me?” “No!” I whisper emphatically, but my heart sinks when I admit the truth to myself, and then him. “Well, yes… kind of, but more along the lines of I don’t want her to get attached - to love you - until…” Patrick saves me from saying it out loud - my fear since introducing them. “…until you know whether I’m going to stick around.” We’re both quiet. An unidentifiable anxiety creeps in now that the unspoken has been said, but an iota of relief is sparked too. “Tell me, Corrine, have I given you the impression that I'm going anywhere?” Before I can answer, he adds more forcefully, “What is it that you want?” “No, Patrick, you’ve never wavered. You’ve always been there for me… for me and Addie…” My voice trails off as I think back to the. Anyway who cares. But come to think of it, she didn't even give the bill to me. I thought that she would have presented it to the only man in the group. Instead she gave it to Alice and she figured out what each of us owed.A couple of weeks later something else happened. I needed to get a copy made and our machine was broke. I walked across the hall and into another office filled with cubes. Two men were standing outside and I had to make my way past them. They both smiled and one said, "Are you trying to pretend your machine is broke just so you can come see us?"Now I've seen men flirt before and I was certain that this was a flirt. I'm 42 years old and have never been approached by a gay man before. I was a little uncertain what I should do. What came out of my mouth surprised me. "Oh yes, I couldn't wait to see you."As I stood at the machine I was embarrassed. Instead of telling the guy off, what came out of my mouth sounded as stupid and flirtatious as what he had.
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