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I am! I don’t deserve their comfort.” I gasped for air, head spinning, voice tapering off to a hoarse whisper. “None of them blame me like they should. They’re all kind words and compassion and comfort, while Faren still lies there unconscious. I’m the monster. They shouldn’t love me. I don’t deserve it.” I clapped my hands over my mouth, shocked and horrified by what I’d just admitted. Is that really why I’ve been such a bitch since I woke up? Able to examine the thought consciously, finally, even I knew it was stupid when I thought about it.I’d been able to admit that I would have done the same in Faren’s place; I’d never blamed Nate for deciding to kill Kallian before they’d been rescued. I didn’t blame Zevran for being an assassin, Leli for being a bard...Perhaps I could learn to forgive myself for doing as Faren asked.It was a revelation. All of a sudden my anger made sense. Though it was unexpectedly, amazingly, almost gone; I still felt guilty, but somehow also better for. The doctor whose cock I had just lovingly sucked could barely look at meafter he had cum in my mouth and I had sucked his prick dry, but thatsuited me perfectly. The shame I felt when I saw his superior sneer as helooked down at me while I was still on my knees in front of him with hissemen scattered on my face and in my hair made me blush with shame but,at the same time, answered a deep submissive need in me which was firstprobably instilled in my psyche when I first begged my mother to let metaste the mixture of her juices and my uncle's thick semen which was theresidue of their violent coupling. I remember her shocked look when Iasked her to let me go down on her just 15 minutes after I had witnessedher making love to my father's brother and I remembered her understandingsmile when I finally came up to kiss her with my lips covered with themixture of love juices. It was not just that one experience that made mecrave submission. Our relationship took a real twist once she began.
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