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It was Lizzie, of all people. What the Devil did she want, anyway?“Lizzie?” I asked, knowing full well who it was from my caller ID.“Yes, that’s me. When are we gonna ... kiss and make up? This lover’s spat has gone on too long and I don’t even know why,” Lizzie whined and pouted now a bit over the speaker phone.“You’re kidding me, right?” I asked Lizzie as I plowed Miriam a couple more strokes.“No, why? What did I do that was so terrible? I’ve been pretty pissed at you for just dropping me like a hot potato, but I don’t get it ... I thought that we swore that we would be lovers forever. Didn’t we swear that, Roger? Why, papi, why? Was this because I got married?” Lizzie finally located the issue ... took her long enough.“Bingo! You just ... dropped it in my lap, no explanation, no clarification, just left me with the default presumption of monogamy that is implied these days with marriage unless you stipulate to the contrary. As far as I knew, you went to Vegas and dumped me for. .. I’m wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.”A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined.”“It’s in the judge’s hands now” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?” asked the defendant.“Oh no!” said the lawyer. “This judge is a stickler for ethical behaviour. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even find you in contempt of the court. In fact, you shouldn’t even smile at the judge.”Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favour of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer “Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It worked.”“I’m sure we would have lost the case if you’d sent them” said the lawyer.“But I did send them” said the defendant.“What?! You did?”“Yes, that’s how we won the case.”“I don’t understand” said the lawyer.“It’s easy. I sent the cheapest cigars that I could find to the.
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