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But hell, life's a risk, right? And remember which head is doing the risk assessment.I was sure enough about this that I got a Viagra out of my bag and popped it in anticipation. I wanted to fuck these two beauties blind. And if you don't ask why I'm carrying Viagra on a business trip, I won't ask about those tax deductions of yours.Lacy flipped the phone off and came out to find me across the room and not the slightest bit listening at the door. Ahem. "She'll do it, but she says we have to get $500. Do you have that much on you?"Since I had a feeling that money-talk wasn't going to survive the coming shock, I made a token show of reluctance. "I only have about $200 in cash, but there's an ATM in the lobby. Tell you what. Here's the $200, for good faith. You get your friend up here... what's her name, by the way?" It's Lila," she lied."Great, get Lila up here and, ah, get involved, while I hit the machine for the rest. When I come back I'll expect to find you two naked and going at. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.It read:Dear God,How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.By the way, there was $4 missing.I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.Sincerely, EdnaThis is a story from Pat and his dinner date ... Now you know why he doesn't have a girlfriendMRE Dinner DateI had a date the other night at my place. On the phone the day before, the girl asked me to "Cook her something she's never had before" for dinner. After many minutes of scratching my head over what to make, I finally settled on something she has DEFINITELY, definitely had never eaten before. I got out my trusty case of MRE's. (Meal, Ready-to-Eat) Field rations that when eaten in their entirety contain 3000+ calories in each.
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