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”Vic Braden, tennis instructor: “My theory is that if you buy an ice cream cone and make it hit your mouth, you can learn to play tennis. If you stick it on your forehead, your chances aren’t as good.”Walt Garrison, Dallas Cowboys fullback when asked if Tom Landry ever smiles: “I don’t know. I only played there for nine years.”John Breen, Houston Oilers: “We were tipping off our plays. Whenever we broke from the huddle, three backs were laughing and one was pale as a ghost.”Bum Phillips, New Orleans Saints, after viewing a lopsided loss to the Atlanta Falcons: “The film looks suspiciously like the game itself.”Al Hrabosky, major league relief pitcher: “When I’m on the road, my greatest ambition is to get a standing boo.”Paul Horning, Green Bay Packers running back on why his marriage ceremony was before noon: “Because if it didn’t work out, I didn’t want to blow the whole day.”Lou Holtz, Arkansas football coach: “I have a lifetime contract. That means I can’t be fired during the third. Looking at her, he rolls his eyes. Master: Fuck, I forgot about you.Slave: My Lady Sofia sent me to you. She said you would …punish me.Master: Yes, she’s rather fond of that, isn’t she? What did you do?Slave: She was offended by me, sir. She said I embarrassed her.Master: Really. Do tell. He sits heavily, examining the slave more closely. Her dark hair is tied loosely back from her pretty face. She’s wearing a simple grey tunic, open at the neck to show her cleavage, rising and falling quickly with anxiety. The skirt is short, just covering her pert arse and showing her fine legs. Lady Sofia would be easily offended by such a lovely little thing on her staff. Slave: She found me with a man, a man she liked, Jay.Master: Jay? That is offensive, but I’ll need more than that to decide what to do with you. Don’t make me drag it out of you, girl. I’m tired and I’m losing patience. The girl blushes, her cheeks colouring. She pauses for a second, looking at the floor. Slave: He … I … I was.
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