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To our left, the local levies massed as a mob, their leaders laughed at us, saying we would fall into our own traps. I explained to Gretorix – the appointed ‘general’ of this band of Celtic warriors – that I intended to make the Romans start advancing up the hill before attacking. If we attacked while they were at the bottom then we would tire ourselves charging down and then lose any advantage of height, we would be fighting on the level. He scoffed at such cowardice (as he saw it), but agreed to hold back his men until the Romans started to advance. This was the first attempt at combined action and already it was clear it would not work well. The Celts had learnt nothing from their comprehensive drubbing at the hands of the Roman war machine. They were still intent on a headlong rush in the hope that the pressure of numbers would break the Romans – it had never worked before, but maybe this time it would, that was the thinking. I have a feeling pigs think the same ‘running around. Vets gave up ... lived on the dole and eventually died. "Of war wounds' was a complete heading in the Obituaries.This time it was Mick Jagger who was the winner. Oh, people crosschecked, double checked and triple checked ... his paperwork was perfect ... even though it was done standing up. Mick had dne everything right. The employees of the Department of Seldom Miracles ... both of them doddering old idiots sent for Mick."What do you want?" they asked like twins. No one had ever descended to the level of their trollship. The door was marked 'No!' 'Never!' 'Death' 'Verboten' ... even 'Exit' ... but here was a supplicant."You sent for me." We did?" Yes," he handed over certified copies of their request letter.They shredded them."I have others." Don't you trust your government?" Fuck no! ... do you?" Errm..." I see." Hrumph ... yes."They hemmed and hawed ... procrastinated ... waffled and minced and obfuscated.The eldest looked up, "You're still here." Yes."He gave a much sigh and said,.
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