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I shouted - “Where you off to Charlie?”He said, “I’m off to change a light bulb.”“That’s gonna be a bit awkward init?”“Not really.” he said. “I still have the receipt, you insensitive bastard.”Went out last night and got really wasted.I woke up this morning next to a fat old bird who was snoring.So, at least I got home OK.Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control in Athens airport.“Nationality?” asks the immigration officer.“German,” she replies.“Occupation?”“No, just here for a few days.”As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from insidescreams: “I’m not dead, I’m not dead. Let me out!”The Vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “Too late, mate, the paperwork’s already done.”I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night.Or “foreplay” as she likes to call it.After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus were going to commit suicide together yesterday.Strangely enough,. This was a terrifying prospect. ‘Hey buddy!’ The tall, dark, and handsome man spoke as he scooped up his still-dry child. I even allowed myself to glance over out of the corner of my eye to size him up. He was probably about 6’5′, nicely built, longish dark hair, and piercing green eyes. Well, he was attractive. ‘I missed you.’ Sean cooed as he hugged his father, both small arms around his dad’s neck. ‘I missed you too, Sean.’ He said with a smile on his face, looking around. ‘This place looks really nice.’ He commented. ‘You should tell Ana! She’s been working on this for weeks.’ He said with a bright smile on his face. ‘Oh, Ana? That’s your nanny right?’ He asked. ‘Why don’t you introduce us?’ ‘Okay!’ Sean said as he beamed, running off with a bright smile. He was all for this, and now I was terrified. I knew he was walking my way, and I tried my best to ignore him, but when I felt his hand tug at my dress a little bit I turned with a winning smile. ‘Daddy this is Ana!’ I could.
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