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She asked me if I was there before, and I said ‘No’.It had snowed the day before, and when I got to this place, I made the mistake of almost walking inside the given address, until I called again, and on the phone she talked me through the convoluted directions until I saw the same woman waving to me from a doorway.The (attractive) all-smiles lady said her name was Ewa (or E-Waa). She led me to a dark room and said someone will be in shortly. I paid my $60 house fee, and got undressed. I left my shorts on because it was my first time here and I didn’t get the feeling they were on my perv scale just yet. In walks a tiny, chubby, round faced Chinese girl (I forgot her name) dressed in a sparkly Anime outfit (I k** you not). She started the massage and kept asking if everything was OK. Her massage skills were meh, and I was curious to see where this was going. Suddenly, she left the room, and in a few minutes I heard the door open again and the massage resumed. But it was Ewa.She was a. Now if you've never seen one of these things, it's a sex toy that has every possible function you can imagine. Essentially, you'll never need another sex toy, because it does everything. Call it the Swiss army knife of sex toys. In fact, it has a Swiss army knife function, which includes a handy corkscrew. Now I will admit putting the chainsaw function button next to the vibrate button wasn't the smartest idea Santa ever came up with, but come on, what's so dangerous about vibrating a tree down? And yes, it does fire bullets but who's going to be dumb enough to use it while it's loaded? And yes, there is a rocket attachment that's capable of shooting down planes, satellites, asteroids and possibly the moon, but come on, who's going to do that? We even put a warning label on the box, 'For legal reasons, please do not take out the moon'. Doesn't that cover all the bases?" So Santa's been fighting that in court in addition to trying to get ready for this most recent Christmas, which in.
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