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Still, the possibility of some kind of repeat continued to nag at me. Risking myself to that possibility was one thing, and that much I could live with. But extending the risk to Lee, to little Johnnie, was, as I'd told Richard, something else entirely; it was a decision I couldn't make alone.In the end I figured the only thing to do was lay it out plainly to Lee and let her decide, and that's what I did. I told her it was her call.She shook her head. "No, Jackie," she said. "When did you stop being part of this family? When did you quit being my husband, and Johnnie's father? You can't throw it off to me, we need to make that decision." Honey, I can't do that," I responded miserably. "I've been making the decisions, more or less, and look what I did to us this last time. What I did to you and John. What I got you into. I damn close to got you both killed! How can I trust myself? How can you trust me?" So you dump it on me?" she demanded. "Now it's all on my shoulders? Jack, I'm. I picked it up about to say something naughty, when her mom said, "Hello Ben, may I please speak to one of your parents?"I about fainted. But then I just started lying. "Mom's at the supermarket because she forgot something for dinner. Dad's out mowing the lawn. May I take a message?"I heard her give a good sigh. I was a very polite boy. She went on a different tack. "Lizzy tells me you invited her over to study?" Yes, ma'am." But it's a beautiful Saturday afternoon! And I'm wondering why you two want to huddle inside and study?" You're telling me! But this Biology course we're taking is really hard. We're in this subsection now on anatomy. We've learned that the body has hundreds of bones, and muscle groups, and they all have Latin names, and for the section final we have to memorize them all." Oh, ick," she said. "Lizzy will be over soon to help. Just make sure you help her back." As always," I announced.Our secret was that we'd been having sex for several months. I'd just turned.
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