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But that wasn’t the point, the point was to be with Natalie. We stood quietly, at the rail, for several minutes before she spoke.“Can I ask you something?”“Sure.”“How do I know if I should go to bed with a boy?”“How did you know you should go to bed with me?” I asked.“It just felt right. I mean, like it was meant to happen.”“I’d say you have your answer. But don’t decide that when you’re alone someplace, kissing. Decide beforehand. Determine your limits, communicate them, and stick to them.”“You mean like saying ‘you can touch me outside my clothes, but not put your hands inside my shirt or jeans’?”“Exactly. And any boy who doesn’t follow those limits isn’t one you should be interested in.”“How long should I date before I do it?”“Already realize you’re going to miss it?”“Yes, but not just that. Will you be upset if I tell you I really, really like the cuddling?”“Why would I be upset?” I asked.“Because you might think I don’t like sex.”“I like cuddling. I always have. And you can get. A real estate agent had to be commissioned and the property listed. But that was mostly paperwork. It certainly didn’t need two people. And since the house was now in my name, none of what came next would require Violet’s involvement at all.Neither of us had spoken aloud about what we were going to do with ourselves, or each other. We didn’t seem to have words for what lay before us. This new kind of silence was not comfortable. It had grown malignant, twisting in my stomach like a tumor.Any claim that the opportunity to talk had never come up would have been a lie. We both might have used sex to avoid discussing things, but there were still quiet moments where I could have raised the subject.The truth was, I was a coward. I didn’t want to bring up the thought of what might be next because I was enraptured with the pleasure of the present and dreaded that the merest word might shatter what we had. I had fallen into Vi’s mentality: I wanted to keep things as they were for as long as I.
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