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“Ron” he admonished “You and I have done many autopsies. Rarely does it takes us more than a couple of days to get them processed. The accident was Sunday. Are you sure you are all right with this? Do you want to go home?”‘Shit’ I thought. The doc was right. Today was the third day. Being out for half that time had really messed up my sense of time. I decided to change the subject. I needed to know the absolute answer to one more question, even though I was pretty sure I knew already. “Doc, I have to know. Was Rachel drinking or on drugs?”I didn’t care about that, but I was hoping this would spur him to tell me how he ruled the accident. The doc had not given me any hints that he thought her death suspicious, but he had not flat out said it was accidental. That one word, ‘Accidental’ on her death certificate would stop any police investigation cold. The police investigate homicides. Only insurance agents care about accidents.“No, Ron. You can put that out of your mind. Her tox screen. But as you may have noticed there is one thing missing that is usually in that list. Despite being hit at nearly 80 kilometers per hour, less than a second away from being hit directly, I suffered almost no brain injury. My head was almost untouched by the accident which in the long run was lucky, but due to the severity of my injuries my body went into shock and I became fixed on excessive pain medications which would have me dozed off for ours. Sometimes I would have entire days which I would talk to people in my sleep. When I came out of surgery I was in immense pain, immediately they medicated me. I was like an empty vessel, my eyes were open and I saw and heard everything. But I could not respond, I couldn’t reach out to my parents and say “I’m sorry”. I had to watch as people came into my room and cried while I selfishly sat in my own misery. I felt awful, I had caused so much trouble for the people in my life and had to watch every second of it. I was trapped in a withdrawn.
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