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So we drilled down to my foundation of insecurities, talking about my anger toward the drunk driver that had crashed into my parents’ car, bitterness to my old friend Luke because he still had his parents, feelings of inadequacy over protecting Caity and fears of abandonment generally. It was slow, slow progress.During May and June, I wrote a few letters to Harry and eventually received replies. But boys being boys, the letters were neither frequent nor lengthy. My counsellor categorised Harry as a safety blanket, and Peter as a bar of chocolate. She wanted me to stop relying on others to make me feel happy or safe. I thought she was bonkers. They were simply my friends.Grandpa had managed to persuade the orphanage to let Caity and I each have a friend come to stay with us for three whole weeks over the summer. I couldn’t wait to see Harry, but I dreaded seeing the orphanage again. My counsellor had said to me, “In your head, I think that building represents all your pain and fear. She’d seen them on the web stream, learned about the terrible war that had caused their annihilation; but now she was there for real and the sheer scale of everything, the size of the buildings, the level of destruction was beyond anything she could have ever imagined. She’d lived in The Facility for the whole of her seven years of life; it was all she had ever known. Even though it had essentially been a prison her life hadn’t been unpleasant. She had had everything she needed, she had been well looked after; there had always been plenty of nice food. She had just never been allowed to leave. Sometimes the constant schooling had been a drag, the language classes, the manners and comportment lectures; and of course the twice daily sexual technique seminars. It had only been the last month or so that she had started to change, started to become less like the other girls. The differences were slight at first, they had seemed almost insignificant. Her not wanting to go.
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