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But being tolerant of homosexuality was one thing, doing it was another. To all this was added the guilt I felt about cheating on my wife. I really loved her and hurting her was the last thing I wanted to do. The fact that our sex life had begun to bore both of us was no excuse to play around. And even if I hadn’t felt the guilt, which I did, there was the fear of getting caught. I knew from the experience of a couple of friends that an affair rarely stays secret forever. Yet none of these considerations kept me from replaying the encounter in my head. Every time I did I’d start to get a hardon, so I spent most of the afternoon hiding behind my desk in my office. I even skipped the afternoon trip to the coffee shop that several of us normally made each day. At home that night I was so preoccupied that my wife asked me what was wrong. Was I sick? Something bad happen at work? No, I told her, just tired, but I gave her a long kiss and hug before bed, and got her to smile, which. Well, not quite, but if I wasn't with him I was thinking of him. Day dreaming actually. Even when teaching. More than once my happy thoughts were interrupted by a student asking me if everything was all right. I would just smile and say, "Perfect!"There were stressful times though. After Leia and Joan's disappearances, the police came knocking on my door. After all, I had been "out to get them." That's what everyone heard at the trial. They even brought me to the station several times, bombarding me with questions -- the same questions over and over again. Angelo's attorney put a stop to that. "Charge her or leave her alone," he had yelled. I panicked, thinking I'd be arrested. But the police buckled under the threat.And the first day back in school for the fall semester found me in an English department meeting. The buzz was all about Professor Rogers. Everyone wanted to know where he was. By the time the school semester started, the police got involved again. They interviewed.
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