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He was me! I woke up with a start.For a moment that morning I wondered if it had all gone too far. I duginto my drawer and pulled out male underwear I tried to convince myselfthat this was crazy - that I was becoming crazy. I needed to get somenormalcy back. I needed to find some other way to fix my problems.This way was driving me nuts.But when I got to the door I collapsed. Those negative thoughts wereback, even stronger than before. I could not move. I was shakinguncontrollably. I needed to go back and put on my girly stuff. When Idid I am sure the feeling was like a junkie getting the first fix aftermonths of rehab. I just felt so calm and in control. There was aeuphoria that seemed more real than any chemical could supply. Had Ibecome dependent on women's underwear?I felt that I needed to talk to Dr McLennan. I tried not to push beyondthe minimum until the appointment. I did not shave my body again. Ikept the peignoir set hanging in the back of my closet. But. "But..." That's what I'm saying. I want to make out with you all night, but kissing and all that? If you're serious, I'll get a ring for you tomorrow and swipe one of my mom's pills, okay? And we can do it like ten times." A ring? You need a pill to kiss me?" Jimmy laughed with me and his hazel eyes had softened somewhat."A birth control pill, yeah," I told him. "Come on, let's make out. You're dick's not even hard anymore." Oh." He looked down. "If we don't kiss though ... How do we make out?" What?" I grabbed him by the shoulders. "The same way everybody does, silly. Turn around ... more ... more ... all the way!" Ummm..." You better let me get on top," I told him and I knew Jimmy had been lying about making out with his girlfriend. He had no idea what we were doing."What are you doing?" he wondered, now that I had him flat on his back."Didn't you ever have sex education or anything?" I asked him, putting my body over his and straddling his face with my thighs."Yeah. No. Not like.
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