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I didn’t know when I got it why I wanted it but as soon as I saw him I knew; I wanted him to look at me the way I was looking at him. I watched his broad back and firm round ass as he waded into the water then dove in to swim. The tickle got stronger.Mom yelled at me to help unpack the picnic so I was distracted for a few minutes. When the food was set out I looked for him again, he was standing near the river toweling himself. Again as I watched his muscles work, his body flex, my stomach flipped. What the hell was wrong with me? I wasn’t quite sure but I know it had to do with the shape and form of his wide shoulders, narrow hips and sports hardened legs and butt. He played football, basketball, tennis and baseball; all year round he was on some team or another. I knew that other girls thought he was hot but until that day I had no idea why, but I was learning fast.I could hardly eat anything, I wasn’t hungry, I couldn’t concentrate on anything, the buzz between my legs was too. Why the tears, and why now?”“Kids, can we please sit, and talk?”We got comfortable in the family room and I gathered my thoughts.“I’ve come to a realization. I don’t know how it happened, or when. I can’t blame anyone but myself. But I look in the mirror and see a shitty husband, terrible father, and a rotten friend. I mean, I guess I’ve always been a hard guy, but I hate who I am and what I’ve done. You two and your mother deserved so much more. I can’t fix it with her.”I lost a bit of control. I wasn’t used to losing containment on these damn emotions. But the hardest question I had for them needed to be asked.“Is it too late to fix it with you guys?”And the damn waterfall started again. But there were no comforting hugs or words of encouragement. Just Caleb and Traci looking at each other, and Brenda looking uncomfortable, as if she wished she could crawl under a rock.My son broke the silence.“Look, Anson ... Dad, it’s never too late. I don’t think you have a clue how much you’ve.
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