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While staying with my sister meant I wouldn’t have any time alone with Dave, it avoided the hated prison visit -- and, it presented an opportunity to act on something I had been thinking about lately.My boy-friend Dave and I had been going out for nearly a year. I was as convinced as I could be, that he was the love of my life. So, I had been eagerly waiting for him to make his move. I’m sure he wanted to have sex with me as much as I wanted to with him -- and we had the opportunity most days after school.We loved to make out, and he kept pushing the idea of ‘going all the way’. A phrase that I found charmingly naive, even kind of sweet. But, ever since we started heavy petting, I had decided that I would put him off until he came up with a plan for how I wasn’t going to get pregnant. Simply showing up with a box of condoms would have sufficed. But, I was still waiting and making excuses -- telling him ‘I wasn’t ready’. If he couldn’t think far enough ahead or take enough. The result was that they were on their way to turning themselves intomeek compliant slaves. They knew what would happen to them if theytried to get through an exit, by themselves or with help. If they werecaught, the cattle prod would only be the start and they would findthemselves locked up until they were sold. Even if they had the nerveto ask a customer for help, they had no way of knowing if that customerwould actually help them or if Vargas would somehow find out that theyhad talked.But even slaves dream of freedom. Their only free time was when theywere in bed. They talked quietly about escape, how they could do itand when. But they were not able to come up with any ideas that couldwork. It was one the cruelties of slavery: Let the prisoner dream offreedom, but always deny the dream.To take their minds off a dismal future, they threw themselves intotheir acts. Julie explained that there was nothing that she could doto help them without exposing herself and her family to.
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