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Until all of a sudden her body became rigid and she let out what can only be described as a loud whimper, but with such force it scared me. We lay there beside each other for a while neither of us moving. She, seemingly exhausted and me not quite sure of what had just happened. With a sudden impulsive movement she sat up straight and almost shouted, “oh my God Kathy, what have I just done? I’m so sorry.” Then after a few gasps and stutters, she added, “Maybe you’d better go back to your bedroom right away. The storm seems to have passed.” Needless to say, at that moment, I felt terribly confused and alone. I quickly got out of the bed and ran down the hallway to my room, jumped into bed and cried myself to sleep. In the morning neither of us said anything for a long while. We made our own breakfasts and found something to occupy our time by ourselves. It wasn’t until later in the afternoon, that Alice approached me while I was reading in the living room and quietly uttered,. He had not been drunk. He had been sober, the action was deliberate and he had done it purely with the intention of ending his life. But Cain wasn't very good at suicide. Since the age of thirty he had taken two overdoses and slashed one of his wrists, he was also in the habit of self harming and he explained to me quite calmly that this was the reason for the scars on his arms, they were old wounds, he also told me that he had been hospitalised on four occasions because of his suicide attempts. He assured me this was not going to happen again - purely because he had managed to put on a brilliant act of being recovered, when it was far from the truth. He told me to accept him as he was, or leave. But it was too late for me, I was sharing the darkness that sank him down like a lead weight because I was in love with him and even though he didn't know it yet I knew I could not bear to leave him. I did not know how to handle his problem, I had no idea why it had started in the first.
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