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Soon she heard a clanking sound and the whirring motor stopped. The anchor was up and Steve quickly snapped it into its holder on the deck, turned, and walked rapidly back to the wheelhouse. He said nothing, but pushed the gear lever forward and turned their heading to the south west. He put his hands on the dashboard beside the wheel and let his breath out again. His face was beet red and she could see his jaw was clenched. He was clearly very angry. ‘Are we OK, Steve?’ Ingrid asked uncertainly. ‘Yeah, we’re OK. No thanks to me. Stupid bastard! Damn it!’ he spat. She had never heard him swear and had never seen him angry. It was a new side of him and it was good to see that there was passion inside that cool exterior. ‘Why are you so angry?’ she asked him. ‘I put us in danger, not just the boat, but us. I got careless and I broke a cardinal rule. A rule George put up at the top of the list of things that were critical to safety.’ He was almost yelling and it was clear that along. Your formality in your high soft voice breaks my heart on hearing you. I cannot fight your battles or draw a sword on your behalf, but my arms are open, outstretched, always, and I will be the walls to the storm and keep you safe and strong. You are, behind your fifty years, still a child searching for answers in a sea of books and being. I don’t mind. That’s the wrong phrase. I don’t mind because I love it, all of you, cantankerous, out of touch, snobbish and cold, because I know it is you behind your long hours and cruel bosses, it is you who will kiss me and hold me with the sweetness and love no one has ever come close to. It is you who will sit through my rages and tears and insecurities with the patience of saints and the wisdom of ages. We are not children, nor adults when we hold each other, just two frightened humans in a beautiful, wicked world. And I will love you, my dear, dear man, until the end of my being. Outside, the world may demand the savage hatred of men for.
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