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I don’t like who I am. I like being ‘Doctor Jessica’. I hate being Jessica.”“Because of things that happened to you from the time you were little? You know what I went through. And what Kara went through. I think you need to get over hating yourself for things that were beyond your control, as well as things you did. It’s not healthy, Jess. You’re heading for a breakdown worse than the one that sent you to Maine.”“I have it under control.”I shook my head, “No you don’t. That’s an illusion. You’re lying to yourself. Cutting yourself off from all emotional contact is unhealthy. It’s self-destructive.”“What about Michelle? She did that!”“Yes, and how many people are truly called to be monks or nuns? And even then, she had close contact with the other nuns. She wasn’t a hermit out in the woods somewhere. And I think you know better.”“Do I?”I smiled, “Jorge. He proves my point. You ached for an emotional connection, and for whatever reason, substituted him for us. Maybe you felt it was. My eyes were slightly darkerand my lips were redder. My face as a whole looked even more girly thanit usually did. James was going to love it.Then the doorbell rang. My heart started beating a little faster. Ichecked my clothes to make sure everything was right and took a deepbreath. Then I strode femininely to the door; I could feel my barelyexistent hips swaying with the yoga pants."Hey there," I said when I opened the door. I smiled really big as hisface took a look of complete shock and excitement."Dear lord," he said, releasing his own deep breath. "You look amazing." You look pretty good yourself," I flirted back, grabbing his hand. Ipulled him inside making sure I stayed in front of him. I wanted him tonotice the yoga pants. A reaction was what I was looking for. I glancedback and noticed him looking down a little; he had noticed.He really does love this, I thought excitedly. Brianne was right.I sat him down on the couch and pointed to his drink. He took a sip buthis eyes.
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