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I’m not even sure what romantic love is. I read somewhere that before a person can say ‘I love you’ with conviction, they must first be able to say the ‘I’. It took me thirty-three years, but I think I’m finally learning who I am. I’m finally seeing myself for who I am and not seeing myself through the lens of the expectations of others. I’m finally able to truly say the ‘I’ in ‘I love you’ and mean it. I am a woman who likes a strong, mature and considerate man. I like a man who treats me equal to a man not the same as a man. I want a protective man out in the world who has a soft heart in the home and a firm hand in the bedroom. The firm hand is what has been making me wet. Anti-feminist? I don’t think so. Feminism is all about allowing women to be who they choose to be and being a woman who likes a firm hard—I’m learning—is who I am choosing to be. I couldn’t say this to Susan. She would have a fit. She would want to put me in the mold she learned in her junior year womyn’s. And I think other people can tell too. We will talk when we get home, if you want to" The day seemed to pass so slow. each forty-two minute class felt like three hours. I couldn't bring myself to look at Ry. But the school day finally ended. I walked out of school and left her behind. I was too embarrassed to be seen with her. She found me, ran up to me, and put her arm around me. We walked home not saying anything to each other. When we got home we went inside and I went right upstairs. I threw my bag into the chair and sat on my bed. I heard a knock on my door, and said "come in." It was RyRy, she never knocked. She sat down next to me and put her arm around me again. I slid my arm behind her back and we leaned against the big pillow I had on my bed. Neither of us said anything for about an hour or two. I finally said "I'm so sorry, RyRy." She hugged me tighter and said "I know how you feel, I wanted you to do that for a long time." And smiled at me. We sat there for another few.
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