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So one day im around a mates house having a few whiskeys and a smoke playing ps3 when paul turns up with a few more of our mate he had just got back and was dying for a smoke and a drink as his dad was a prude and didnt let him do anything like that. As he walked in i felt my heart miss a beat. I was scared he would say something but he didnt. Did he even remember i dunno? After a few hours my mate said he had to pop out and our other mates went home or whatever so we had to leave too. Paul live just up the street from me so we walked together it was a bout a mile so took us a while. On the way we chatted about the summer and the usual shit. We were both high and slightly drunk so it took us a while to get home. Just before we got to our street paul asked what i was up to now so i jokingly said probably have a wank and a smoke . At this point i should say that i lived with my parents and 22yr old sister who had gone on holiday. I had given up on family vacations as soon as i was. .I would have done entirely, it all felt so natural. Everyso often though he'd stop talking and just seem to examine me, intensely.And every time the result was the same...I'd catch my breath, squirm in myseat and begin to blush...furiously...uncontrollably....I felt as though Iwere going to melt. And then he'd continue with the conversation and withina minute or two I'd compose myself.Looking back, I guess I was falling under his control even then.We'd discussed virtually everything in the past, there were no taboos. Allof the (to my mind) shocking, embarrassing fantasies that I harboured,fantasies I'd tried to repress but that just never went away...we talkedabout them all, with no judgement, no lecherous comments, just acceptanceand understanding. I understood now, with Richards guidance, that thesedesires were actually not that uncommon, that I shouldnt beat myself upover having them and also that they would never, ever go away. Like manysubmissives, bondage and restraint were.
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